miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
