How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
