I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
