The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
