I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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