do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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