We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize