I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
