I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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