defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
