Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
