o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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