When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it because I queefed?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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