im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
