Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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