He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She bit a glass in half.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
