just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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