very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
