literally had 100 drinks last night.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Can I color on your dick again?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
