He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
