just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
