$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize