Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
