Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
