Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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