I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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