I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
