So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
