Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
