All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
