How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
