I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
