My room smells like vodka and shame
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
