I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
