atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize