ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
