Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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