All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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