I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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