Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize