I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
