take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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