So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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