He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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