I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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