I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Girls should come with a carfax report
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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