Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
