When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize