this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
