I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
