I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
