Just took my morning after pill in the library
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
