we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize