Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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