new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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