just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
