i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize