Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
