I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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