Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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