Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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