Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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