I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
