he shaved USA in his pubs
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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