Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
