So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
