I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
